Sleepless in Orlando!

Hello All... It's been a bit since I blogged... Have been very very busy... And once again the chemo cocktails have kicked in full force! I am unable to sleep and feel very tense and hyper. Will be calling the Dr. tomorrow! Not sure if it is a side effect of the chemo itself, steriods or a combo of both... Since Tuesday I have had only 7 hours of sleep and can not stop going! Tuesday I went to sleep (well really it was Wed) last time I looked at the clock it was 5:30 a.m. then up with Dylan Jon at 7:45! Wednesday I went to sleep around 4:30 (last time I looked at the clock it was 4:15 then was woke up by Dylan going "mommy wake up... time to pay Cars!!!" It was about 9:00 Then went to my Grandmothers managed care plan meeting and gave them a piece of my mind (what was not all soggy from lack of sleep) since Tuesday everything really has been a blur... I start on something and never seem to get back to it... Figured "wow-I can get some stuff done now" NO NO NO wrong again... I lose track of my time... Completely... Really weird stuff (chemo) this time around... And the steroids I think are like bulking, bloating me up! Oh well I would rather be around and "round"... lol... I feel very ADD... The weird part is I am so unable to concentrate on one thing I am like going a hundred miles per hour!!! Will be calling the Oncologist tomorrow I can not take anymore of this really I am afraid that I could or possibly could just fall out if I keep this up... However my house is slowly getting back to the way it should be... I just wish I could get out of this cloud that I feel like I am in... I have a close friend that was just diagnosed a second time with cancer. Well this really f(*@! Sucks... I HATE CANCER!!! I will fight this! I WILL PRAY FOR THOSE AROUND ME FIGHTING AS WELL!!! I still do not understand! I am still Pz?>@)*%! off!!! Phew that felt good! Really I do still get upset, sad, confused, worried, then someone else close to me gets diagnosed and - and well it just ticks me off even more...



Ok enough of the complaining... But I have had a lot on my mind! This is my venting room... I just type and type and type. It feels good.. Feels like work! My job now is to heal, teach the ones around me, take care of loose ends, find myself, open up... ARGH I am rambling again!!!





On a wonderful note my nose bleeds have almost completely stopped!!! This is due to my wonderful NACM family, my work husband, my work daughters, and my work sisters! Thank you to all of them! They are the best and go way above and beyond what co-workers, family and friends should do! They are my hope, my faith and mean the world to me... And I am so grateful for all that they do... I am also so very thankful for the lil' birdie ( I love you and you know who you are!!! I love you) who keeps giving up all my lil' secrets... And a big thanks to the lil' birdie who keeps inquiring about me-your a sweetheart) SO!!! thank you all so very much everything that you have said, done and advised me has and is GRATEFULLY appreciated!!! You are the best and I am blessed to have you ALL in my life... Here is a pic of me & Dylan on the day that I received one of my Happy Packages!!! He loved the box and the packing!!! He did not want to get out!!!

THANK YOU!!!

YOU ALL are just WONDERFUL!!!

Well, it is almost 2 and the meds still not have kicked in yet that I took at 9:30 to put me to sleep... Going now to make me some sleepy time tea!!! And probably some more applesauce (yum Motts Strawberry Apple!) I have ate 5 things of Yoplait Yogurt today already still no appetite and this is the only thing I enjoy besides my Green tea w/honey over ice!!! I am hungry but nothing seems to satisfy me...

Except...

Me with my wonderful birthday present from Will & Diana to the Outback!!!

Last Monday night I finally made it out to dinner! (Before chemo) OUTBACK!!! It was great - so a big thanks to William & Diana!!! Here is a pic for you two!!! It was great, I got the filet, the scallops, a salad, a sweet potatoe, even one of those fruity drinks!!! Thank you it was really sweet of you!!! It would have been good to have had you both there also!!! Thank you both again!!! phmaw!!!

Ok one more thing!!! I would love to thank Shawn & Lorrie for all there help with trying to get my pool in working condition so that all our kids could have someplace to swim before summer is over and before I decide to just fill the darn thing in... Your hard work and diligence is very appreciated!!! Right now it is a cloudy blue... And starting to look good again!!! A big hug and kiss to you both!!! Thank you for always being there for the lil' trips to the store of things that I forgot when I just went earlier in the day... (chemo brain...) Thank you for being there...

Thank you Daddy for the words of wisdom, Thank you Mike for being there today to support me I know you were tired too, Thank you Sarah for getting up with Dylan and helping me (the frig was a great surprise) I could not do things without you, Thank you kids for helping with the laundry, Thank you Emily & Tom for helping me out in sooo many ways!!! I am thankful so thankful that I have you both!!! Thank you thank you all of you! I love you all!!!

Thank you to everyone!!! I feel like I just wrote and recited an Emmy or an Academy Award speech!!! Ok time to stip off of the soap box....

Ok all good night... Going to get me some applesauce... Drink a cup of tea... and see where that get's me...

I LOVE YOU ALL AND THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR LOVE AND SUPPORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY LIKE YOU I HAVE NO DOUBT/NO FEAR!!! Once again!!!

THANK YOU!!!

xoxoxoxo,
Deanna!!!