Hello all...
An UPDATE
Well today I was laid off along with 4 others... I understand I do. I will miss everyone...
The other day I got the last few cc’s that Dr. could give me in my expanders and well the tata’s are full, hard and ready to be swapped for the implants (this is scheduled on April 7th. They still do not look right to me, they seem mis-shapen and scarred. I really wish that I could have kept my real ones but I know deep down that they are just decorations but I do not feel like me… I just want ME back. I want my job back. I want us back.
I have heard and read many blogs of my beautiful pink sisters and they have also said the same thing “ I WANT ME BACK! “ I want my headaches to stop, I want money back into my savings, I want my energy level back, I want normal days, I want to stay positive, I want to stay around at least another 40 years, so I know that I have made the best decision in having the mastectomy, I know that change IS good! I know that cancer is a word not a SENTENCE… But the word will ALWAYS haunt me. I will always wonder if, when and where it will return… It has caused so much. Do not get me wrong GOOD things have come from cancer. I am trying to live my life as I have always taught my children. I have a different outlook on little things that happen. However I still worry about every little thing (that reminds me I have my hysterectomy scheduled the day after Dylan’s birthday – Monday, February 16th, at 8:00 a.m. Winnie Palmer Hospital). I worry that I will not be here, I worry, I worry, I worry. I worry about my children and what they have in store for their future, I worry about my future, I worry about my parents, I worry about my grand-parents, I worry about what will happen when my chemo is over and all the surgeries if I will get my job back, I worry about providing for my family, I worry about my house being messy, I worry about the stuff that needs to be fixed around here, I worry about paying the bills, I worry for my children, I worry already for my children’s children… I worry about my headaches! I worry about worrying LOL.!!!
I feel that sometimes my worries consume me. PHEW ok I vented…
I love you ALL!
xoxoxoxo,
Deanna
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Cancer is a word, not a sentence.
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1 comment:
Please only worry about yourself... you will not be able to heal fully if you are stressed out. So let me take some of the weight onto my shoulders so that you can focus on you and making yourself better so that you are not only around for the next 40 years but the next 60 (yes I have high hopes for you making it to 100years old and being one of the little old ladies on Good Morning America's smuckers birthday). I have plans for us to be little old ladies together like the Mother and Daughter team that you used to visit down the road from Donna & Daddy's. Remember that if the cancer comes back later on down the road that they are making huge advances in medicine and hopefully by that time they might even have a cure for cancer. You are even taking a medicine that wasn't even on the market 5 years ago. It will be okay... IT WILL BE OKAY!
Love your oldest
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