Hello All... UPDATE May 31, 2009 - TIC TOC TIC TOC what is that button like spot?

Hello to all!!!

On Friday I had some xrays done and a doppler of my arteries in my left arm and left extremities... I have had swelling in my left arm, aching in my hips that is really starting to annoy me, severe pain in my right thumb and well, just not feeling up to par... I have made myself get up and move around because of the children and family things... However at times I just lately want to stay in bed... The mornings and nights are worse for me and I spoke with the Doctors and they ordered tests. So, now on to that (Damn A D D chemo brain) but when the xrays were done on the hip and pelvis the technician asked me a few times "are you sure that you do not have any buttons or snaps on your pants and/underwear? " I was like "um, no... WHY?" The reply "well, we see a spot on the film"... So, now of course that moment is stuck in my head - keeps replaying over and over again... And another thought too - METS... TIC TOC TIC TOC goes the clock... = waiting on results...

NOTE TO SELF:

Stop searching the d&*! Internet for possible reasons why and what the spot could be! I know better! I really do but

another note to self: LISTEN TO SELF...

I know that it will be nothing

and well damn it if it is

"I CAN HANDLE IT"...

One more to go!!!

Hello All... Me again better late than never! I have been so busy with - well "living"!!! Day to day chores, raising my children, focusing on what is - what could be and what will be!!!

Yesterday was my second to last treatment!

It has been a long journey! Five surgeries, chemo since March 4th 2008, many treatments - but I am here - thank you Lord I am STILL here...

A lil' video of my second to last treatment! YIPPEE!!!!!!!!

Today is the first day in a long time that I did not have my lil' man with me! He spent the day with Emmy & Tom and went to SeaWorld!!! I have such a wonderful daughter and wonderful son in-law!!! I could not ask for any better!!! I love them so much and cherish everything about them!!! So, cheers to them and a BIG thank you for spending the day with Dylan so, I could spend a lil' time with the other children - even though I had to sit through a Hannah Montana movie... LOL shhhhhh guess what I kind of enjoyed the movie ok I lie it was pretty good!!!

Hello All...

Hello all! It has been a while since I posted! SO SORRY!!! But have been very very busy. Still having a hard time with my chemo brain! I hope to goodness I am not stuck like this! I have never suffered as bad as I do now with ADD seriously no kidding!!! I pray that this goes away! I hope this finds all of you well and happy! So, much has been going on lately and well, I still worry all the time. So, many people that have been close to me and some just acquaintances have passed hmmm let me see - in the last 10 months there have been so many people (9) that I either was close to or acquainted with that have passed away. So, I do worry about the people that are close to me CONSTANTLY! I seem to not be able to realize and get in my head that well, life is life and this is what happens. But there have been some that to me it was NOT there time. I do and I know that I should not question God however I do question why. I tell myself that I should learn from everything that goes on around me, live each day fully, I try my best but end up getting caught up in the daily activities, I would not call it a rut anymore though. I know a lot more now than I did before, more spiritual, more aware of the little things around me, happy to have my hair blowing in the wind, watching the sky, remembering how it felt to be young, a lil' girl, a teenager, looking at my children and watching them grow, and remembering I must teach them and have them learn from my mistakes and giving them ALL my love when I can, telling them and savoring every moment with them! I want to make sure that when my time does come (and it WILL be at least 40 more years from now) that there are no regrets, I told the people around me how I feel about them, they have wonderful memories of us together, my children learn from me, I did what I could do to help others, I want pictures of every single moment (I wish that there was a video camera taped to my forehead so I could savor every moment-I think this is why I take so many pictures now!) Anyway... enough of that!
I had my reconstruction and it was not bad. Not too much pain! Still a lil' sore because I did not listen and do what I was supposed to by not lifting and using my arms. But, slowed down a lil' lately and they are healing nicely. Miss my original ladies though!!! Please EVERYONE learn from me PLEASE savor every moment, seize the day - the moment! Do not take things or anyone for granted and if you do just stop and start all over! You can not take back time! Time flies by so fast! OH SO FAST!!! CARPE DIEM

Hello all... Long time no blog!

Sorry that it has been such a long time since I have posted anything! So, much has been going on! Nothing too bad though... Lets start with the bad news-However I did lose my work family! I am no longer an employee with NACM! I was there for almost 10 years and not only did I lose my job but am not in contact as much as before with them... However I am still on disability but cobra insurance takes almost 1/2 of that plus I think that I have let my life insurance lapse plus I lost my life insurance that my company was carrying for me (OUCH). My father has been in and out of the hospital 3 times since my last blog! He has had a really bad intenstinal infection that he caught from the hospital!!! Also, he is having problems with his temperal lobe arteries! But my father can be a strong man and I know if he would just put his mind to it all will be ok!!! My grandmother (Oba) keeps falling! Dylan and I both have had a bad sinuses since the middle of Feb! And once again he is seems to be suffering with a runny nose and a rash on the face in which I think is from rubbing his nose. I will be taking him to the doctor tomorrow! Sarah fell at softball practice and at this moment is at Centra Care getting her leg looked at! And today TODAY I had those hard, annoying, painfull, uneven and ugly expanders taken out and replaced with gel implants this morning at 10:30! I am so sore but so happy at the same time! The tata's are once again soft!!! So, let's see we have had to have our roof repaired $700 later, a new refrigerator $1200 later, and now all that is left to do is fix the ceiling where the rain came in, fix a leak somewhere in my shower (which is leaking into my closet and on to the bathroom floor), either replace or fix our in the wall unit oven, and wait there's more our fence is falling!!! PHEW believe it or not there is more but nothing and none of these above I/We will not let it overwhelm us WE SHALL OVERCOME!!! Have & keep the faith! Keep praying and believing! Keeping my children with me and being with them gives me hope, strength and a feeling of contemptment! My mother recently had to go back to Mayo for testing and another liver biopsy to possibly have to start Interferon but God WILL provide - her liver function tests came back GREAT! So at this time no NO NO NO Interferon! Ok enough for now I am really sore and well pretty tired right now and still have a bit of anesthesia remaining in my system!!!

Hello All... GOOD NEWS!!!

TODAY-TODAY I HAVE GREAT NEWS- My CT scan came back NEGATIVE!!! The nurse read it to me it said "normal scan with / without contrast - scan shows the normal brain of a 40 year old woman" lol what's that supposed to mean!!! LOL... I do not care it was normal!!! I am normal!!! Now I just need to get a hold and put a stop to these headaches that I have had since Christmas!!! But anyway HURRAY... HURRAY... HURRAY!!! No more worrying about my brain!!! Worrying that the cancer spread there... Can't take that out to prevent it from spreading there. LOL so, anyway just wanted to blog about this GREAT NEWS!!!

xoxoxoxoxo,
Love you all, Deanna

Hello all... Hysterectomy!

Hello all! Well, I am here at Winnie Palmer Hospital

(just yesterday we were at Chuck E. Cheese celbrating Dylan's 3rd Birthday!!! God bless him!!! He is such a joy and keeps me going!!!-will post pics and blog about this later!)

(beautiful it was almost like staying at The Hilton - LOL)

(this is a picture of my bathroom - check out the swans)

they have a concierge where they can come and give you a pedicure, massage, manicure. I have a beautiful room with a view (no more womb with a view though-LOL meds are talking now) I could see downtown and the citrus bowl!!!

I had the complete hysterectomy yesterday morning at 10:30 a.m. surgery lasted around 3 hours, my surgeon is wonderful Dr. Jessica Vaught

http://www.orlandohealth.com/MDAnderson/OurTeam/OurTeam.aspx?Wid=6&Pid=773#V-Z she does the less invasive technique and is one of only a few that uses the daVinci® robotic Surgical System http://www.davincisurgery.com/index.aspx... Well I will blog later not feeling to well having a reaction to something my face and lips are red, burning and swollen possible a delayed reaction from the anesthesia so they are keeping me to observe me a lil' longer... I will take some pics soon when I feel better... (UPDATED SEE PICS ABOVE)... love you all

xoxoxoox,

Deanna

HOPE ENDURES...

I recently heard this song by Natalie Grant thanks to Michelle a sister blogger and here is what I picked up from her... And as her I could also I ever identify with the lyrics!
It's called "Our Hope Endures"...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1mu3F0dQz0

I too think the words to this song are particularly important to remember....
Yes we are never alone.
God truly is always with us!
Let's all remember this!

Hello all...

Hello all...

An UPDATE

Well today I was laid off along with 4 others... I understand I do. I will miss everyone...

The other day I got the last few cc’s that Dr. could give me in my expanders and well the tata’s are full, hard and ready to be swapped for the implants (this is scheduled on April 7th. They still do not look right to me, they seem mis-shapen and scarred. I really wish that I could have kept my real ones but I know deep down that they are just decorations but I do not feel like me… I just want ME back. I want my job back. I want us back.

I have heard and read many blogs of my beautiful pink sisters and they have also said the same thing “ I WANT ME BACK! “ I want my headaches to stop, I want money back into my savings, I want my energy level back, I want normal days, I want to stay positive, I want to stay around at least another 40 years, so I know that I have made the best decision in having the mastectomy, I know that change IS good! I know that cancer is a word not a SENTENCE… But the word will ALWAYS haunt me. I will always wonder if, when and where it will return… It has caused so much. Do not get me wrong GOOD things have come from cancer. I am trying to live my life as I have always taught my children. I have a different outlook on little things that happen. However I still worry about every little thing (that reminds me I have my hysterectomy scheduled the day after Dylan’s birthday – Monday, February 16th, at 8:00 a.m. Winnie Palmer Hospital). I worry that I will not be here, I worry, I worry, I worry. I worry about my children and what they have in store for their future, I worry about my future, I worry about my parents, I worry about my grand-parents, I worry about what will happen when my chemo is over and all the surgeries if I will get my job back, I worry about providing for my family, I worry about my house being messy, I worry about the stuff that needs to be fixed around here, I worry about paying the bills, I worry for my children, I worry already for my children’s children… I worry about my headaches! I worry about worrying LOL.!!!
I feel that sometimes my worries consume me. PHEW ok I vented…

I love you ALL!

xoxoxoxo,
Deanna

Hello all...

Hello all... Starting (or going to try to start) something new. A "What I'm Thankful For" and at times "For Today"!

So...

Today is February 2, 2009 and I am thankful for...

My Family, rides on trains, shopping and eating ice cream with my kids, sliding down the McDonalds slide with my lil' man, challenging Michael to Gallaga, coming home and finding the house picked up by the teens, friends stopping by and plans for a girls night out on Friday, ping-pong, Austin for teaching Sarah ping - pong, Susie and Kevin parties, Theresa and Erik's grapefruits, Donna, Chad, their boys and knowing that when I can go back to work and/or when the economy gets better that I WILL have a job!!! I am thankful for another day, I am thankful for TODAY...

For today...

I look forward to the end of May when the last of my intensive cancer care will be complete!
I look forward to hopefully this Friday!

xoxoxoxo,
Deanna

One year ago today...

Hello all there are a couple of videos here so turn off the music... (:)

One year ago today...

January 30th, 2008

This is the day I found the lump...

On that day, my world, my thoughts, my feelings, and my priorities, completely and radically changed.

I try to make the most of my life these days. But I was really trying to do that before my diagnosis, too. I think to myself "has it actually been one full year since this whole experience began?" Wow. It’s really hard to believe that my one year anniversary has come and gone so quickly!

Time flies when you’re…

Um... in this case "fun" is not the word here!

BUT I AM HERE!!!!

From the day at home, at my desk, while working in my office, right after lunch, a phone call from our family Doctor confirming what I thought, confirming that little lump in my right breast... Confirming

C A N C E R!!!

(Can Survive)

From my Pre-Chemo Cut...

To that weekend of Easter when clumps of my hair were falling out, just blowing away in the wind...

That weekend my beautiful children were there, standing by me (as always) while we shaved my head...

My youngest baby girl Sarah could not do it, she was very upset.

As alway we tried to make the best of it!!!

WATCH VIDEO... Scroll all the way down and turn off music...

Within 1 week, completely bald was I!!!

A tear or two

I must admit

I did cry...

Through weekly treatments

through the aches and pains

the steroids trips

the allergic reaction to steri-strips...

The tata to the tata's

WATCH VIDEO HERE - Oh my I looked terrible LOL...

Me and Dylan night before surgery in his chifferobe!

January 30th, 2008

On this day, one year ago today - my life officially began!

Today I celebrate!!!

Today I celebrate...

ME

Deanna = Pretty in Pink...

Not The End here

To Be Continued for at least another 40 years...

xoxoxoxox,

Deanna

Some pics that I wanted to share...

Me and my Emmy...

Me and my crew...
My lil' man-Dylan Jon

Umpa and Dylan

Santa & Dylan

Papa, Dylan, Taylor and Sarah Beth!

Dylan, Sarah and Shelley at the mall...

Great Grandma and Dylan!

My crew with our lil' tree... That's Kyle on the left, Michael in the back, my Lil' Man Dylan Jon, Taylor (don't she look thrilled-LOL) and Sarah Beth on the right...

Me and our Oba... "You paid too much" LOL

Nana and the kids!

My baby girl Emily and my wonderful Son Inlaw Tom!

My beautiful Sarah Beth and of course Shrek!

Christmas morning... Wow check out all those stockings! I am TRULY blessed!

Never dare me... My oldest daughter (Emily) dared me to take this list to the store with me to pick up a few things left to buy for Christmas dinner...Me in the store... You should have seen the people looking at me like "what is she doing"... LOL I love it... And the lady at the register LOL I had to tell her I was not stealing the banana that I brought it in with me... LOLYum what a good list it was...

Hello all...

Well, it's 2009!!! And here is wishing ALL of you a wonderful, fantastic and marvelous NEW YEAR! We had a rough one and I looking forward to a FANTASTIC NEW YEAR!!! It soon will be one year this month that I found the lump and a year since my diagnosis. Still can not believe all of the trials and tribulations as well as the friends and family that I have lost and family and friends who have had to deal with life changing events. I love you all and will keep you in my prayers.

xoxoxoxoxo,

Deanna

Goodbye 08' Hello Fabulous Wonderful Happy 09'

2008 year in review:

Nearly every part of my life that I had considered "normal" changed. My cancer diagnosis was also a real turning point in my life because it forced me to reexamine my goals and priorities. I lost my hair, felt ill most of the time, dealt with achy bones, numbness of the hands and feet, put a hold on my career, attended support groups, and met a whole new world of health professionals. There was and still is an ongoing unease and fear that cancer will come back and take my life. At the same time, I feel the love and support of a wonderful group of family and friends who have reached out to me in so many ways that I had never experienced before. Certainly I had days full of sadness and fear; no one walks this journey without them. But I also had laughter and the blessings of friendship, family and God -- blessings in unbelievable numbers.
Today, I feel so blessed to be alive. I appreciate the miracles of each and every day. I'm grateful to be where I am right now, and to have the wonderful family members, friends and children with whom I spend the time I have. I have been inspired by and learned from so many others who have walked in the path of cancer. I have ached but I have learned many things from the wonderful people that have I lost this year, people who near and dear to my heart that within a moment their and my whole world changed in an instant!
I have a great sense of optimism about what lies ahead. I look forward to waking up everyday seeing my children, family and friends. No matter how crazy and hectic some days may be. I look forward to grand-children, graduations, wedding and I look forward to (as I have ALWAYS said but never followed) living each day to its fullest and to savor each and every moment. Because in a split second, anyone’s life can change. Breathe in the wonderous happy year ahead 2009 will be FABULOUS!

So, live with no regrets, never leave things unsaid and always, always kiss me goodbye and goodnight.