One year ago today...

Hello all there are a couple of videos here so turn off the music... (:)

One year ago today...

January 30th, 2008

This is the day I found the lump...

On that day, my world, my thoughts, my feelings, and my priorities, completely and radically changed.

I try to make the most of my life these days. But I was really trying to do that before my diagnosis, too. I think to myself "has it actually been one full year since this whole experience began?" Wow. It’s really hard to believe that my one year anniversary has come and gone so quickly!

Time flies when you’re…

Um... in this case "fun" is not the word here!

BUT I AM HERE!!!!

From the day at home, at my desk, while working in my office, right after lunch, a phone call from our family Doctor confirming what I thought, confirming that little lump in my right breast... Confirming

C A N C E R!!!

(Can Survive)

From my Pre-Chemo Cut...

To that weekend of Easter when clumps of my hair were falling out, just blowing away in the wind...

That weekend my beautiful children were there, standing by me (as always) while we shaved my head...

My youngest baby girl Sarah could not do it, she was very upset.

As alway we tried to make the best of it!!!

WATCH VIDEO... Scroll all the way down and turn off music...

Within 1 week, completely bald was I!!!

A tear or two

I must admit

I did cry...

Through weekly treatments

through the aches and pains

the steroids trips

the allergic reaction to steri-strips...

The tata to the tata's

WATCH VIDEO HERE - Oh my I looked terrible LOL...

Me and Dylan night before surgery in his chifferobe!

January 30th, 2008

On this day, one year ago today - my life officially began!

Today I celebrate!!!

Today I celebrate...

ME

Deanna = Pretty in Pink...

Not The End here

To Be Continued for at least another 40 years...

xoxoxoxox,

Deanna

Some pics that I wanted to share...

Me and my Emmy...

Me and my crew...
My lil' man-Dylan Jon

Umpa and Dylan

Santa & Dylan

Papa, Dylan, Taylor and Sarah Beth!

Dylan, Sarah and Shelley at the mall...

Great Grandma and Dylan!

My crew with our lil' tree... That's Kyle on the left, Michael in the back, my Lil' Man Dylan Jon, Taylor (don't she look thrilled-LOL) and Sarah Beth on the right...

Me and our Oba... "You paid too much" LOL

Nana and the kids!

My baby girl Emily and my wonderful Son Inlaw Tom!

My beautiful Sarah Beth and of course Shrek!

Christmas morning... Wow check out all those stockings! I am TRULY blessed!

Never dare me... My oldest daughter (Emily) dared me to take this list to the store with me to pick up a few things left to buy for Christmas dinner...Me in the store... You should have seen the people looking at me like "what is she doing"... LOL I love it... And the lady at the register LOL I had to tell her I was not stealing the banana that I brought it in with me... LOLYum what a good list it was...

Hello all...

Well, it's 2009!!! And here is wishing ALL of you a wonderful, fantastic and marvelous NEW YEAR! We had a rough one and I looking forward to a FANTASTIC NEW YEAR!!! It soon will be one year this month that I found the lump and a year since my diagnosis. Still can not believe all of the trials and tribulations as well as the friends and family that I have lost and family and friends who have had to deal with life changing events. I love you all and will keep you in my prayers.

xoxoxoxoxo,

Deanna

Goodbye 08' Hello Fabulous Wonderful Happy 09'

2008 year in review:

Nearly every part of my life that I had considered "normal" changed. My cancer diagnosis was also a real turning point in my life because it forced me to reexamine my goals and priorities. I lost my hair, felt ill most of the time, dealt with achy bones, numbness of the hands and feet, put a hold on my career, attended support groups, and met a whole new world of health professionals. There was and still is an ongoing unease and fear that cancer will come back and take my life. At the same time, I feel the love and support of a wonderful group of family and friends who have reached out to me in so many ways that I had never experienced before. Certainly I had days full of sadness and fear; no one walks this journey without them. But I also had laughter and the blessings of friendship, family and God -- blessings in unbelievable numbers.
Today, I feel so blessed to be alive. I appreciate the miracles of each and every day. I'm grateful to be where I am right now, and to have the wonderful family members, friends and children with whom I spend the time I have. I have been inspired by and learned from so many others who have walked in the path of cancer. I have ached but I have learned many things from the wonderful people that have I lost this year, people who near and dear to my heart that within a moment their and my whole world changed in an instant!
I have a great sense of optimism about what lies ahead. I look forward to waking up everyday seeing my children, family and friends. No matter how crazy and hectic some days may be. I look forward to grand-children, graduations, wedding and I look forward to (as I have ALWAYS said but never followed) living each day to its fullest and to savor each and every moment. Because in a split second, anyone’s life can change. Breathe in the wonderous happy year ahead 2009 will be FABULOUS!

So, live with no regrets, never leave things unsaid and always, always kiss me goodbye and goodnight.

TODAY!

Hello all! A lot has been going on lately! I am still trying to heal and get these silly Jackson Pratt drains out! I was supposed to get them out on the 26 of October however I am still draining too much fluid *well Was* but now I have a clot somewhere in the right breast and still drainig around 90ml on the left and on the right well had a bad I mean really bad reaction to the surgical tape *it is in my records I am allergic*!!! My skin is like just rotting! I know it sounds gross and well it is! However I am keeping my chin up and just praying and doing whatever I can! it started it out as some type of weird bruising that turned into a yellow goozing thingy which has spread really bad and is now black, blue, red, oozing and well think *KNOW* that it has to be an allergic reaction to the steristrips... called and spoke with the nurse and she said to try to remove the steristrips with water(THIS NOT DID NOT WORK) this pulled my skin off!!!! So, I called the Plastic Surgeon *he was playing golf* because it was getting worse he said *over the phone* oh it will be ok i will see you in a couple of days, slow down and put some neosporin on the site.. So I did this was on Saturday, It got worse so today I call the nurse and she is like well your numbers are still to high to remove the drains call back on wednesday! Anyway my girlfriend Shawn and Emily said "no way this has been going on to long and it is getting worse" Shawn has been there for me soooo much for me lately and I do not know what I would do without her, probably clone her! Anyway she contacted the nurse and told her "no" this is not right her skin is just being eating up by something and insisted that I come in and be seen SO went and well the Doctor was not there, the nurse looked at the sites and said "yes, this does not look good" soooo, just go home and keep putting vaseline on the strips and try to remove them *is this not there job?) THEY knew that I was allergic to adhesive (something new since chemo/cancer) anyway and then i asked her about the swelling that I have been having in one of the breasts (right side same as the really bad reaction site) anyway she said "yes looks like you have a clot in your tube, then she said and well I may have to have stitches or another surgery to try and save the skin, then she tried working out the clot again *granted it is right next to where the tube goes in OW* she worked some of it out and was like well here is how you do it and you will need to come in on wed and probably have it aspirated!!!!!!!!!!!!!! After Emily went off about this visit and is so worried when I came home and called my internal med doctor who is an angel!! She will be seeing me tomorrow at 11!!! I will let you know the outcome!!!! I took pics, kept the tape... Oh yeah and the nurse said that I may lose that skin and additional work may need to be doNE... OH MY I want a new Plastic! I did not feel good about him to begin with!!! Sorry to have vented and unloaded on you like this but I am highly upset, worried, tired and well a little depressed I am still unable to do what I would like to do! The nurse also said that I must stop moving my hands and arms and to slow down If I did that I would have to have my arms strapped down really... I am not used to having people do for me and really do not have anyone at home so what am I to do... I can not wait to see my favorite doctor tomorrow I really do feel like the Plastic did a major boo boo by not bringing me in sooner when I noticed the problem!!! pheW I feel better now!!! Thank you all for the ear, thank you Barbie for the support and courage, thank you Shawn for EVERYTHING I could not do this without you- you are always there for me! Thank you Emily for being there as my back up brain, my supporter, my beautiful daughter, thank you for Sarah for the love, support and all the help, thank you so much Kyle for all the help around the house, thank you Dylan for loving me unconditionally, for the morning kisses and for keeping me busy!!! Thank you my dear and wonderful NACM/SACM for being there, for the support, and everything that you do! Thank you Miss Shelley Bean for the love, support and your texts that keep me smiling...

Hello All!

Don't you just love fall! It is just so gorgeous out!
I am doing pretty good! Sarah and Shawn arranged for me to have the computer in bed! This is pretty good. So, I will be posting some pics and some videos soon! Well I am still REAllY SORE! I get real dizzy (lol yes more than usual)... I am running a lil' fever now and had the chills earlier but feel ok, however tired but unable to sleep! I want to thank all of you who have sent me my get well cards! Can not wait to get back to my normal routine! I love all of you, will keep you in my prayers and hope you all are doing fabulous!!! Ok going to get some rest now which I have had a lot of that since I am unable to get out of bed now or off the couch (the lovely couch from Jack). Thank you and God Bless You ALL!

xoxoxoxoxoxo
Deanna

AWARENESS

October is breast cancer awareness month. However EVERY MONTH we should be aware!!! It only takes 1 minute to exam ourselves-1 hour for a mammogram but it can take away a lifetime if not caught in time.

PLEASE READ, CLICK & SIGN THE PETITIONS!

The Bipartisan Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act Needs Your Support!On September 25, 2008, the U.S. House of Representatives approved the bipartisan Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act, which would end the practice of "drive-through" mastectomies, when women are forced to leave the hospital within hours of undergoing major breast cancer surgery. But the act still needs your support! Sign the petition below now and urge the Senate and the president to take the next steps to pass this bill.

http://www.mylifetime.com/community/my-lifetime-commitment/breast-cancer/petition/breast-cancer-petition

Will Our Political Leaders Help End Breast Cancer Forever?
America's next political leaders can save lives—but only if you ask. By taking a moment to sign the I Vote for the Cure petition, which outlines three critical goals in the fight to end breast cancer, you can let our next political leaders know that you expect them to make breast cancer a national priority—in their platforms and for our country.
One in eight women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in her lifetime. Women are dying every day, when common-sense policies could ensure that every woman in America has access to high-quality breast health care. Take this easy step to make sure our next political leaders hear from as many Americans as possible: we want a plan to end breast cancer forever!

http://komenpolicy.org/komenadvocacy/ivoteforthecure.html

PLEASE NOTE

Please scroll all the way down and subscribe to this blog... Will be easy to see if and when I post.

A poem for today

Myself - me. I am still me minus a part of me that I have shared with myself for 40 years now. Yes, these things will one day be replaced by me and like all things in life will at times be forgotten by me. However, this part of me I have carried over from birth, to childhood, to my current adulthood. And I am faced with the fact that they are now gone however I must remind myself, not completely. I am here, still whole, I am still me - I am still myself.

Hello All

Well, here I sit (or should I say lay) 3 days post after my bilateral mastectomy! I am tired, sore, anxious, and kind of on an emotional roller coaster today! The Jackson Pratt drains are really really annoying and are a pain! I am having a hard time letting others do for me. During my battle I have done just about everything however NOW I have to let others help care for me, the kids, Dylan and the house! I am NOT used to this! I have been in bed and on the couch a lil' but the bed is more comfortable possibly thinking about finding a recliner. I lost all of thursday it was a blur. Yesterday, I was told that I blacked out and had what appeared to be a seizure the surgeon said that it was probably from not eating and from the pain also taking the meds on a empty stomach (my throat really really hurts due to my throat being sore because of the tube from surgery), so now before I can get my pain pills and antibiotics I must eat a lil' so as not to scare everyone (including myself) again. The night of my surgery I did not sleep well at all. The pain as well as the pain meds (oxycodone & morphine) kept me awake and practically climbing the walls. The same now I will be calling the surgeon on Monday to see if anything else can be prescribed so as not to be so anxious, still be able to take away the pain and so I can relax. I am having a hard time with not having and not doing my usual routines. Needing help out of bed, just having people do what I usually do really sucks! I am probably rambling I will blame this on the meds once again!

Hello to ALL!

Well, it has been a while! I APOLOGIZE! I still have a hard time with managing my time!!! I know this sounds crazy but even though I am spending all my time at home and not currently working (now I know why) my day is still like a blur to me! I get very very tense and well I seem to be more A-D-D than usual (LOL) really! I have been told by Dr. Shah (Oncologist) that I still have chemo brain and that this takes a while to get over! WOW... I am really really scatter brained (I will blog about this shortly)! At this moment I just wanted to do a blog apologizing for not updating my blog and keeping it current!!! My time and my days at times are like a blur!!! So, with that I love you all and want to thank all of you for your thoughts, prayers, help and well just for being YOU! God Bless!

xxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo,
Deanna

Angels spotted carrying cookies at MD Anderson!

TWO SWEET WOMAN w/ Some YUMMY cookies!


Just wanted to give a great big HELLO and THANK YOU to two wonderful woman who have touched many people lives at MD Anderson as well as there tummys-Lois and Annette! Thank you both for always being there to lend and ear, fill my belly, and always have a smile to greet me!!! You make coming to treatment fun (well as fun as it can be that is) but all in all "thank you" for donating your time to everyone and well just for being Angels in disguise!



XOXOXOXO,
Deanna

You look mighty fine in them GENES!!!

Just returned from meeting with Ryan (see above) from Genetic Counseling at the Breast Care Center @ MD Anderson! He was very nice and explained a lot to me (what I remember is a different story LOL)... Anyway he suggested due to the family history, me having the girls and believe it or not Dylan too (males can get breast cancer and of course prostate is related) however no other circumstances are really related to breast cancer I am the only one as far as we know with breast cancer! So, anyway I am having the genetic testing done also my Oncologist suggested it! So part of me will be going to Salt Lake City, Utah to a place Myriad Genetic Laboratories, Inc. if I can't be there well at least my blood and my genes will have a good time and forget about everything lately that has been going on!!! I would love to just go somewhere anywhere I really get a chance to get away during treatment (look for other blog coming soon...) anyway it will take about 2 weeks for the results to come back. Due to the cost of the testing it will be only be tested for the BRCA1 and the BRCA2 gene. Apparently we all have this gene along with other cancer genes! It is when they are mutated, non-functional or missing a protein is when the "C" comes into play! It is almost like cooking and having everything just about done and well oops your missing one ingredient, or you put too much salt in, or the eggs or milk you used were old or expired. He stated that usually only 1 out of 500 have the messed or malufunctioning gene and that most cancers occurs by chance (called sporadic). The cancer risk for BRCA mutation carriers are as follows:

...........................BRCA1 MUTATION .......................GENERAL POP
Breast Cancer 56%-87%....................................................... 12%

Ovarian Cancer 27%-44%...................................................... 2%

2nd Primary 48%-64%.................................................. 2%-11%

Breast Cancer

Just an FYI for all my sister "C' bloggers out there...


I can email anyone more information if needed just let me know!!!

Anyway, there was so much said I had to take notes and made sure I obtained all booklets and pamphlets so to have Emily look over them for me... I am sure though that she has already researched it on the internet! So, anyway... the results will be back in 2 weeks and if it comes back positive which is like 1 in 500 very low then I will have withhout a doubt will need to have a Hysterectomy as well as the Double Bisectomy and well Dr. Shah and I spoke and due to the type of cancer, how it spread and my just plain dumb luck I just may go ahead and go through with the Double Bisectomy anyway! It will lower my risk tremendously!!! And now a days with all that is going on the world, the sadness and the losses around me, other wonderful people that have cancer, previously had cancer and the wonderful, fantastic people around me that I can not let down by not being here well, I have decided to have the surgery done regardless of the Genetic testing! Anyway, I need to go now almost done with my Chemo!!!

Have a wonderful and blessed day ALL of you and remember to live each day to it's fullest!!!

STOP AND SMELL THE FLOWERS!!!


xoxoxoxox,
Deanna

Bleep you CANCER

This is for you CANCER!!!

Three big raspberries!!!

NOW GO AWAY AND LEAVE US ALONE!

DAMN YOU CANCER! DAMN YOU!!! NO REALLY %*#$! YOU CANCER! I AM REALLY TIRED OF WHAT YOU ARE, WHO YOU ATTACK AND EVERYTHING THAT YOU DO TO THE PEOPLE YOU ATTACK, TO WHAT YOU DO TO THE FAMILIES, TO THE CHILDREN!!! GO AWAY AND LEAVE EVERYONE ALONE!!! OK I feel a little better now!!! LOL Just had to vent a little!!!

Hello All!

Just wanted to do a quick post... Had #11 of #12 yesterday!!! Yippee!!! Gettin' closer and feelin' groovy! Lada da da da da feelin' groovy!!! Ok there goes those darn steroids again!!! LOL anyway just wanted to let everyone know that I am doing pretty good today had a really rough night last night and a really crazy day today! But hangin' in there! Thanks to wonderful friends and family! I also just want to give a personal shout out to my two new sisters that I have recently met (you know who you are Barbie & Heather!), my good friend Pat M., my old old (not in age however LOL) friends that I have recently made contact with (you know who you are too but just in case... Cathy, Pam, Karen, Debbie and Honey you all are wonderful), family that I have just reunited with (Dody, Stacey, my nephews), my family (ok to many of you all to list), my NACM NTO family, my SACM/NACM family and my friends, to all of you who have given my so much love, support and well the spunk to keep on keepin' on! Ok feelin' sentimental now you all can blame this on Cathy!!! Just a note to all that I have an appointment on Friday and hopefully I will be told exactly what will be going on with me, my treatments, how I am doing with my battle, war and my kickin' cancers ass!!! I feel at times that I have been given the run around and well either Michael or Emily will be coming to this one! I love you all thank you for everything! Going to go get me some applesauce now (the only thing besides that and yogurt that I really eat for the first 2 days after Chemo!!! Keep on Keepin' on!!! Love you all!

XOXOXOXOXO,
Deanna

3 kinds of meds that I take for Chemo

Just an fyi... Here are the 3 types of chemo that I am currently taken every week! Herceptin, Decadron(steroid) and Taxol...

Chemo Tuesday - Happy Hour...

Hello all... Sitting at MD Anderson, 5th Floor, Room 20, first chair to the left, getting Chemo treatment #10 of 12! I am pretty sure that this is correct!!! Yippee! Then off to round 3!!! I missed my Doctors Appointment today! Had so much going on! Sarah, had to get her shots today for school - long story short-was told one month ago that she was up to date on her shots so no appointment was made however when I called the school about something else I was made aware that she needed more!!! ARGH wake up people!!! That should be a topic in my blog I will not do that now on this one... Anyway I missed my appointment today with Dr. Shah and will need to reschedule - I have many other questions for her. HER2 nue is/was positive "what exactly does this mean?", just questions (I will be bringing in Emily and/or Mike when I do or record it - LOL!), also I need to go to see the Genetics people. Anyway, today I had a MUGA scan for my heart, something that is required every 2 months for me while on Herceptin then off to Chemo I went and here I sit...

Words to live by (a reminder to me and my fighting friends)!

Cancer is a word,
NOT a sentence.

Hello all! Another one bites the dust!

As Emily said today "another one bites the dust"!!! Yippee, todays treatment was a little rough on me the Taxol and Herceptin is running it's course on me even though Dr. Shah cut the Herceptin down a lil' it and the Taxol are making my bones ache something fierce that the pain pills are not helping... It really feels as if they are on fire, tingly and achy all at the same time! I just wanted to post a lil' before I lie down and elevate my legs... Dylan is up we took a late nap (5:15) of course I woke up before he did and no matter what I tried I could not get him up so, Sarah, Shelley (Sarah's best friend and my adopted daughter LOL) and I proceeded to make dinner we tried to wake him up again to eat and well to no avail did he do so. UNTIL I was ready to go to bed that is... Now he is up and movin', Sarah and Shelley said that they would play with him for a bit and try to wear him down (may be the other way around LOL)... I am going to read a lil' and stretch out! And before I go to sleep say a prayer for all of you, myself, and for the lil' girl that is missing!

God bless you all and a wonderful day/evening to you all!


xoxoxoxoxoxo,

Deanna

Just an FYI and a prayer request!

Lately I have come across 4 wonderful women that are fighting cancer and one of them we just reconnected and I have known since high school... One is 46 her name is Barbie and has been dealing with breast cancer now for 4 years and has been taking chemo off & on since. She has had 2 masectomys (one was her implants)! The other is a 35 year old woman (Stephanie) who was recently diagnosed (in February) with breast cancer also is done with her chemo and will be starting radiation soon. And the one from high school(Debbie), well she is the sister of one of my close friends from high school, she has just completed chemo (do not remember when she started) and is starting her radiation. The other is going through radiation and chemo now and is a very very close person to me she has been there for me so, PLEASE keep all of them in your prayers! These are all young strong women! I am just shocked at how wide spread this cancer thing is... NEVER ever would have thought that I would be one of them nor any of these woman that are in my life now... As well as for all the others and for the woman who need to check their breasts I would just say on a weekly bases "because you just never know!"!!!

Hello ALL I miss you!!! Just sittin' at chemo...

Just wanted to tell everyone how much I love and miss everyone!!!

And I would like to thank EVERYONE for everything!

God Bless You All!!!

XOXOXOXO,

Deanna

P.S. Feeling a lil' low and sentimental now. Just looked at some of my pics since my diagnoses and from my party and well feeling a little sad! DAMN Steroids! LOL really I am ok... Just tired and a sentimental now (note the word "mental" LOL)...

Plus, I keep forgetting to wear my pink wig in!!! I have had private rooms the last three times and keep forgetting to bring it in it would be the perfect opportunity now when I do bring it in next week I will be in a room with 3 other people... LOL but I will do it anyway PROMISE...

So, check this blog next week at around 3:30!!!

I am feeling a lil' down now also, because today while waiting I met the YOUNGEST one ever during chemo (just recently have I met people close to my age everyone else up until last tuesday has been 60 or over...) anyway the girl today was recently transferred from Fla Hospital, she is 19 going on 20 this year, she looked so weak and fragile, we were both pretty much bundled but she also had on a winter hat and sweat pants, she seemed a lil' out of it, during her chemo (she was 2 doors down) her blood pressure started to drop and she was not doing to good she was also complaining of chest pains she was taken upstairs, my heart my thoughts and my prayers are with her now! I still have a hard time understanding God's purpose for things like this at times I really do and feel guilty/bad that I do so...

Just an update!

Just hangin' with my lil' ones!

Mommy loves her some Dylan!

Hello all! So so sorry that I have not blogged in a while... This new round of chemo (weekley) well, it is harder for me... I was told that it would not be but it is for me. Not sure really though if it is the chemo or just all the chemo catching up with me. Plus with school out I have been busy and more to do. School will be back in soon so we shall see. I will miss Sarah though she has been such a great help to me she is such a good girl!!! Things are ok I guess miss my old routine though PC (pre-cancer)!!!

Well, let's see... Tomorrow I will be on infusion #8 of 12!!! I have been dealing with neuropathy in my feet and it has now reached my fingertips and at times my hands... The feet and toes are really annoying. It is almost like when your leg goes to sleep and you know the feeling you get when it starts to wake up that tingly, pins & needle feeling? That is how it feels in my toes and 1/2 f my foot and it is starting in my hands now! The doctor prescribed Neurontin 300 mg and it helps keep it subsided then on my last 2 chemo treatments the dose was cut down %*)!O*(%)*! I did not like this as you can see by the cursing above... ( I feel as if I am missing out )... I have to have another Mugascan done to check my heart to see how bad the chemo is effecting it if at all and how the treatments are going in getting rid of my cancer... My hair started to come back but is now falling out once again. Not as bad as it was around Easter though - it just looks now like I have a bad case of the mange LOL. Still having a hard time sleeping especially after treatment and well, I have gained so much weight from the steroids not from sitting around though because I am unable to sit still with the stuff. However, my brain / memory has gone on a lil' vacation! I am totally like ADHD now no lie. I start doing something then see something else then see another thing. By the end of the day I am exhausted, the house is messier and well nothing is done! Really this is not an exaggeration. And the muscle and/or joint aches at night time at times just drive me crazy!!! But listen all and listen you Damn cancer cells - as Helen Reddy once sang I will not I repeat NOT be defeated "I am strong - I am invincible I am WOMAN!!!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRKnv9so5O8
wow I have always loved Helen Reddy (just a lil' info for anyone if there is ever a "Deanna Pop Quiz"...
Ok all well better go. I will post sooner and more often next time... Promise (I keep my promises)...
LOVE YOU ALL!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo,
Deanna

Sleepless in Orlando!

Hello All... It's been a bit since I blogged... Have been very very busy... And once again the chemo cocktails have kicked in full force! I am unable to sleep and feel very tense and hyper. Will be calling the Dr. tomorrow! Not sure if it is a side effect of the chemo itself, steriods or a combo of both... Since Tuesday I have had only 7 hours of sleep and can not stop going! Tuesday I went to sleep (well really it was Wed) last time I looked at the clock it was 5:30 a.m. then up with Dylan Jon at 7:45! Wednesday I went to sleep around 4:30 (last time I looked at the clock it was 4:15 then was woke up by Dylan going "mommy wake up... time to pay Cars!!!" It was about 9:00 Then went to my Grandmothers managed care plan meeting and gave them a piece of my mind (what was not all soggy from lack of sleep) since Tuesday everything really has been a blur... I start on something and never seem to get back to it... Figured "wow-I can get some stuff done now" NO NO NO wrong again... I lose track of my time... Completely... Really weird stuff (chemo) this time around... And the steroids I think are like bulking, bloating me up! Oh well I would rather be around and "round"... lol... I feel very ADD... The weird part is I am so unable to concentrate on one thing I am like going a hundred miles per hour!!! Will be calling the Oncologist tomorrow I can not take anymore of this really I am afraid that I could or possibly could just fall out if I keep this up... However my house is slowly getting back to the way it should be... I just wish I could get out of this cloud that I feel like I am in... I have a close friend that was just diagnosed a second time with cancer. Well this really f(*@! Sucks... I HATE CANCER!!! I will fight this! I WILL PRAY FOR THOSE AROUND ME FIGHTING AS WELL!!! I still do not understand! I am still Pz?>@)*%! off!!! Phew that felt good! Really I do still get upset, sad, confused, worried, then someone else close to me gets diagnosed and - and well it just ticks me off even more...



Ok enough of the complaining... But I have had a lot on my mind! This is my venting room... I just type and type and type. It feels good.. Feels like work! My job now is to heal, teach the ones around me, take care of loose ends, find myself, open up... ARGH I am rambling again!!!





On a wonderful note my nose bleeds have almost completely stopped!!! This is due to my wonderful NACM family, my work husband, my work daughters, and my work sisters! Thank you to all of them! They are the best and go way above and beyond what co-workers, family and friends should do! They are my hope, my faith and mean the world to me... And I am so grateful for all that they do... I am also so very thankful for the lil' birdie ( I love you and you know who you are!!! I love you) who keeps giving up all my lil' secrets... And a big thanks to the lil' birdie who keeps inquiring about me-your a sweetheart) SO!!! thank you all so very much everything that you have said, done and advised me has and is GRATEFULLY appreciated!!! You are the best and I am blessed to have you ALL in my life... Here is a pic of me & Dylan on the day that I received one of my Happy Packages!!! He loved the box and the packing!!! He did not want to get out!!!

THANK YOU!!!

YOU ALL are just WONDERFUL!!!

Well, it is almost 2 and the meds still not have kicked in yet that I took at 9:30 to put me to sleep... Going now to make me some sleepy time tea!!! And probably some more applesauce (yum Motts Strawberry Apple!) I have ate 5 things of Yoplait Yogurt today already still no appetite and this is the only thing I enjoy besides my Green tea w/honey over ice!!! I am hungry but nothing seems to satisfy me...

Except...

Me with my wonderful birthday present from Will & Diana to the Outback!!!

Last Monday night I finally made it out to dinner! (Before chemo) OUTBACK!!! It was great - so a big thanks to William & Diana!!! Here is a pic for you two!!! It was great, I got the filet, the scallops, a salad, a sweet potatoe, even one of those fruity drinks!!! Thank you it was really sweet of you!!! It would have been good to have had you both there also!!! Thank you both again!!! phmaw!!!

Ok one more thing!!! I would love to thank Shawn & Lorrie for all there help with trying to get my pool in working condition so that all our kids could have someplace to swim before summer is over and before I decide to just fill the darn thing in... Your hard work and diligence is very appreciated!!! Right now it is a cloudy blue... And starting to look good again!!! A big hug and kiss to you both!!! Thank you for always being there for the lil' trips to the store of things that I forgot when I just went earlier in the day... (chemo brain...) Thank you for being there...

Thank you Daddy for the words of wisdom, Thank you Mike for being there today to support me I know you were tired too, Thank you Sarah for getting up with Dylan and helping me (the frig was a great surprise) I could not do things without you, Thank you kids for helping with the laundry, Thank you Emily & Tom for helping me out in sooo many ways!!! I am thankful so thankful that I have you both!!! Thank you thank you all of you! I love you all!!!

Thank you to everyone!!! I feel like I just wrote and recited an Emmy or an Academy Award speech!!! Ok time to stip off of the soap box....

Ok all good night... Going to get me some applesauce... Drink a cup of tea... and see where that get's me...

I LOVE YOU ALL AND THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR LOVE AND SUPPORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY LIKE YOU I HAVE NO DOUBT/NO FEAR!!! Once again!!!

THANK YOU!!!

xoxoxoxo,
Deanna!!!

Hello All! Latest Update...

Mommy & Dylan at ORMC after Oba's surgery!

Hello All!!!

So, sorry that I have not posted in a while... Things have been real crazy lately! Between my chemo cocktails and every day life I have been so busy. This new round of weekly chemo of the herceptin and taxol has made me really tired I think more tired than the other ones, probably due to the fact that I am unable to sleep for the first 3 nights following (last night I did not go to sleep til' 4:45 this a.m. took a 20 minute nap today with Sarah's help (God bless her) and well it is now 1:11 and I am still up , still getting the body aches, stomach problems and the tinglys of the hands (not that bad) and the legs and feet (from just above the knee down to the toes) almost like someone next to is on a vibrating pad and I can just barely feel this shaky tingly feeling... Weird, it is Nueropothy and is not uncommon... What it is - is the meds are affecting my nerves I am taking vitamin b6 and if that does not work or if it does not work I will be prescribed an rx for it - it could have a long term effect on the nerves and this is not what they want if that does not help it then the chemo will be cut down or changed to something else however then I will not be getting what is best for me now... I told them that I can take the tinglys but the oncologist said no it is not a good thing due to the nerves being damaged... So, I am praying that it will stop... On a good note my hair seems to be growing back! I was told however that it will be falling out again but I have faith and a feeling that it will not! I am really enjoying my new look except for the weight gain (still-damn steroids) but with the steroids it helps the nauseasness. My grandmother recently had hip replacement surgery on Saturday and is currently in a rehabilitation center ( I say it is a nice word for a nursing home! ) I hate it, we hate it and she hates it... It has been crazy around here... I feel as if she is and has not been treated right... She fell 2 1/2 weeks ago at home getting out of bed and refused to go to the hospital and/or doctor - she walked on it with a cane at times and the other times with a walker... Then she just started going down hill and would not eat for a coulple of days prior to being admitted last friday... She is a tough ole' bird! She kept saying "I'm ok-and each day she was like "I feel better today" and would get up and move around! Well, she shattered the ball of her hip completely! So, on friday they told us that she would be getting surgery on monday come the next day (saturday) they called and said surgery would be in one hour - we rushed to the hospital (got there 40 minutes later) and she was already in the surgery room... When she came out of surgery she was confused and was fighting the nurses and had to be restrained... They kept her restrained til' Sunday night! The nurse we initially got was horrible too! Could not get the needle in her arm was very unorganized, had to wait forever for things, even had Emily hold one of the needles after getting blood from Oba... Crazy!!!! Big ole mess... (see pic)

UNBELIEVABLE & RIDICULOUS!

She did not realize that she had surgery! She had no clue what had happened thought she was going for another xray!!! She has a hard time hearing, even though she has been in the US for like 37 years as she gets older she seems to not be able to understand as much could be due to her hearing problem though... Anyway, it took her til' Monday to start coming out of the Anesthesia and today seems like she is much better... She only weighs 75lbs! And is 83 years old on July 29th! Anyway, on Sunday they told us that she would be needing to go to a rehab/nursing home soon (no day given), by Monday @ 6:30 they told us that we needed to find a place for her... They gave us a list of NURSING HOMES even though they said that a rehab center would be fine also, the ones on the list and the one they wanted to send her to only received one star an the AHCA web site... We were stressing... It was crazy we called places and was however we wanted to send her to Lucerne a sister company of ORMC but it was not on the list and the case worker said just the ones on the list, we called the places and researched the places some had no night time visitors, no tv's must bring your own, some were really like a nursing home, so then we found what we thought would be a good one (the place she is in now), so we made arrangements for her to go there, then the therapist came in and well she was from Lucerne Rehab Center and said Yes she could go there, after I already spoke to the lady from East Orange Medical and Rehab Center on Chickasaw and Lake Underhill... We were told that she would get a private room, that they were putting in flat screen tv's and that she would benefit more there due to the fact that they did not rush the physical therapy like Lucerne does (3 days a week 2-3 hours -vs- 6 days a week 3-4 hours a day) so, we picked East Orange...Well before she left and was transported we were told that the room that they had for her was not available at that time and that she would be sharing a room just for the night, we reluctantly said ok and thought that it would not be that bad NOT we got there and well, for starters NO TV, NO PHONE, the nurse tugged hard on the sheets beneath her NOT reading the chart seeing that she just had hip replacement (Oba was put on the Dialysis side of the center) she thought she was there for dialysis... We were like "Whoa -she just had hip replacement surgery!!!) she apologized... (*%&U)#$)!!! I immediatly called the case worker who I had spoke to and left her a message! She called back but not to us she spoke with the nurse at the front desk and said that she promised that Oba would be put in a private room tomorrow (Wednesday)... She did get a private room! HAS NO TV... Finally they brought one in it is like a 9" tv no remote... She beeped them early this morning to let them know that she needed to use the bed pan they never showed - she messed the bed - she was very embarrassed and upset... We Are IRRATE! I am going there tomorrow and taking out all my frustrations!!! She will get her remote or a new tv! They will give her her meds when she wants them and not have her wait 2 hours (RIDICULOUS) I will be speaking with that MS. MARCIA and showing her a lil' chemo / steroid rage!!! This is ridiculous!!! Breathe Deanna... OK venting is good...

It always seems as if we are given one thing after another... Lets see there has been more, Mom had a flood in her house, they took forever replacing the tile just 3 weeks ago they finished! Movers never came back to empty the PODS, my mothers car engine shot she had to get a new car, ARGH but it is nice her first real new car it is a 2007 see pic... But we conquered!

SO anyway I am ready for whatever! But I wish things would slow down!!! Really I do but I am a fighter but getting really tired... I still do not quite understand why these things seem to happen... Are we just too nice to I need to be more of a bitch! I just always feel as if I am like that things could go more wrong however it does not seem to have worked as of yet. TO DO: try to be a bitch! LOL, give the lady at the rehab center a piece of my mind! PHEW I feel better already... You know it is terrible... We were told after her surgery that about 30% of senior hip replacement patients pass within the first year - we were like "wow-no way" now we understand why! It is due to our healthcare system and don't get me started on our school system!!! Anyway we refuse to let them do that to her... We will camp out there if we have too... This is ridiculous... Oh and get this the case worker at the center spoke with my mother and Emily today and was like "Ms. Lewis (OBA) has dimensia and we need some papers signed and a power of attorney" NOT for one thing she is sooo much better today so much! She is hard of hearing, Japanese and hurts... She was well aware of what was/is going on now... And the case worker/social service lady could barely be understood (very strong hispanic accent) Emily had a hard time understanding her and she speaks with people all the time in Miami with work anyway the lady said that Oba did not pass the test and that means she has dimensia!!! We refused to sign anything... They can kiss our butts!!! We will pay to have her transported somewhere else if this continues! This is ridiculous... Like I said before no wonder 30% of the seniors pass away... ARGH...

On a good note my lil' Miss Sarah is on the Conway AllStar Team as well as her team being undefeated and was the first team in Conway Lil' League history of being so (YOU GO GIRL)!!! YEY her first game is this Friday night in St. Cloud at 7:00 if anyone is interested in coming it is in of course St. Cloud on 17th street, coming from Narcoosee road turn right on 192 turn, turn left by the KFC on one corner and the McDonalds on the other (Budinger Street), take a right at the 4 way stop on 17th street and it is up about 1 block on the left... Coming from the turnpike well left on 192, right on Budinger and right on 17th street... She attended a two day intensive softball camp at UCF to prepare for it and boy was it intensive see pic! She was exhausted the pic of her is of I think the most she has ever sweated she did the camp from 1-4 and then went to regular practice m-f 5-7!!! She is a tough one! Get's it from Oba and her mommy! She will be turning 13 on July 5th! I am so proud of her and she is a fabulous daughter and with Michael bless him for working like 60 hours a week, and Taylor and Kyle at there momma's, Mom staying with Oba---without her help with Dylan and helping around the house I do not know what I would do... Thank you Sarah!!!

Something else wonderful for the month of June!!! I had one wonderful night and 2 days as part of my mothers day / birthday present on June 6th with my 3 blessings. Emily took Sarah, Dylan and I to stay in Kissimmee at the Clarion Misty O' Waterpark Resort! It was wonderful and I had a blast... Even getting lost on the way there was kind of fun (sorry Em LOL) I did not want to leave!!! I highly recommend it there!!! I want to go back real soon and would love to make it my home away from home!!! It is great!!! Here is a pic of my blessings in the room!!! THANK YOU EMILY you are a wonderful daughter you make me feel relaxed and calm me when I need to be, helping me, Nana, Papa, Oba, lending me your ear and just for being you!


I returned to the hotel on the 18th (week nights are cheaper) for one night and took Sarah, Dylan and our best girl Shelley... The kids had a blast... And so did I! Both times have been the best times I have had in like forever... Here are some pics that I took!!! I want to live there!!! LOL... No really I really enjoy myself and can relax there... It is a wonderful place!

Dylan chillin' by pool side!
Sarah & Shelley bein' silly & havin' fun!
Relaxin' in the room!

Well I better try to get some sleep!!! Love you all and thank you for letting me vent/blog/post!!! I will post again soon... As not to overload you all like this time...

I love and miss all of you! And please all of you pray for Pat Marazzo at work she is having some medical issues and my thoughts and prayers are with her!!! (I am here for you Pat call me if you need me!!!)


XOXOXOOXOXOXO,
Deanna
********************************************************************************

P.S. Once again thank you to my NTO family for the wonderful camera without you all the beautiful pics of my memories would not have been captured above!!! I love you all!!!